A To-Do Awaits you..

Was talking to a friend the other day about the amount of information we share online and how our data is sold to companies when we accept ‘cookies.’ How can someone reject cookies? This is the kind of word that makes us smile, it is embedded in our brains, we want more cookies (with hot chocolate preferably). Whoever came up with the idea of calling the data collection ‘cookies’ is a pretty smart person,(and probably fat)!

We have a new platform at work that apparently contains all our data. I had no interest in exploring it until my boss said that I should check if the salary information was correct. Dirty trick as that made me look at all the other tabs and review my information, which I am pretty sure it was her objective.

For some reason my profile was showing my marital status. I clicked there and searched for the option ‘none of your business’, but there wasn't such an option so I left it blank. 

A couple of minutes later the ‘smart’ platform sent me an email: ‘A To-Do Awaits you: Provide supporting documents for your personal data change request’

What??? WTF? That's a bit offensive! 

Is there a single certificate out there? 

Artificial intelligence isn't always that intelligent and neither is predictive texting. 

My phone is a bloody prude who can't spell f***ing so I end up with duckling which hinders the message and when I write my name ‘he’ autocorrects  it to Abs or Bob...nice!  

Thanks for giving her some food, and thanks for the message, made my day!

Last night as I was exiting my neighbour’s lift I noticed a poster of a missing cat and immediately recognised the kitty in the picture as the regular furry legged creature that visits my patio for a pet any odd day.

This afternoon while de-weeding the garden, the kitty showed up, I could sense he was hungry (he never asked for food before) so I fed him some Portuguese gourmet tuna (that was the only fishy thing I had in the cupboard). While he was having lunch I took a picture of his cute figure and send it to the number on the ad. 

                                          An hour later the person who posted the ad replies.

                                                       2 hours later my flatmate texts:

I guess we have just inherited a Kitty!...it's a girl 

I want you to get the h*** out of here, you don't live here

The new flatmate texts asking if he can postpone the move from 2 pm to 4/5, which I agreed; the later the better as I am having cold feet about the whole idea.

3.30, I am in the middle of my yoga practice and he is ringing the bell. This is not a good start!

He is very apologetic but by now he managed to see me in chilled pants, no makeup, messy hair and somehow a bit sweaty. Surely the day would have arrived at some stage or another so at least we are done with this, get used to my home face.

After he finished implanting his things in the kitchen and bathroom I gently reminded him that we have a storage room so boxes go in there, not on top of kitchen boards (feng shui must be maintained).

He does have a sort of nutribullet smoothie maker (which I have been meant to buy for quite some time) so I dispatch my old juicer to the storage room. Brownie points here!

When I was out of the shower he asked: ’What’s your plan for the evening, I can  cook dinner if you want.’ My mind answered: ‘I want you to get the h*** out of here, you don't live here yet my protective mind says but I managed a diplomatic: ‘thank you but no thank you’   

Sitting in silence in the living room while reading the paper I eat leftovers for dinner and enjoy the last Sunday of aloneness whilst closing yet another chapter of my life.

You know you have been spending too much time online when you try to scroll down on a book....

You know you have been spending too much time online when you try to scroll down on a book....

I have spent a couple of evenings over the last month with the Ipad on the left, the iphone on the right and the study book in front of me but was feeling restless and out of focus  and skilfully used all the excuses to distract myself from achieving what I needed to do.

This afternoon my phone suddenly died, not only I could not check the time as I don't wear a watch but in addition I didn't even know my friends number or anyone’s phone number as a matter of fact.  It hit me that I hadn’t memorised a single phone number from my phone list and wasn't sure which number to dial in case of emergency was it 911 or 111? (it is actually 999 and 112 in Ireland). ‘Gosh, I must work on that, I thought.’ I grabbed the phone, oh yes ok, you are dead.        

So I did the unexpected, instead of window shopping I sat down for two hours in a cafe reading the Yoga book (that I put in the bag out of guilt before leaving the house), those were the two most productive hours I had in a long time. No internet, no computer, no phone. I scribbled 5 answers from the long list of 50 of the Yoga course while sipping tea. On my way to the appointment I remembered the world when there were no mobile phones and where we had to go to libraries to do the research for assignments.

Is the internet and the immediate access to information making us learn things that we could never have access to in such a fast way so allowing us to absorb more knowledge than previous generations or is it giving us all ADD from ultra stimulation?

Once home I managed to resuscitate the poor oldie phone and memorised my father’s phone number. 'Dad, you should be happy to know that you are my only free pass from jail!'

No switch off and go... 

This brings as much ethical concerns as artificial intelligence

So.. Yes I am late but by now we all know that time isn't a linear concept anyway so it makes no difference. Although if you give this excuse to your boss he might not be too pleased!

Time...I have be wondering about it since watching ‘While we were young’ but it was recently reinforced in therapy when I was asked by a patient to regress him to the past since there was something he had done that wasn’t happy about it and wanted to undo it. Staring into his eyes for a second it occurred to me that this might not be safe territory to go. Where’s the exit? Had he killed anyone? I proceeded with care asking indirect questions to find out exactly what he was determined to rewind.  I am used to ‘regress’ patients with the intention of healing traumatic events or to reveal the cause of a particular symptom but never to actually change the conduit of life events.

According to my beliefs we can’t undo an action, all we can do is to minimize the consequences by talking to the person that we have harmed but if he/she doesn't want to be contacted we just have to accept and respect.  Hopefully we will learn with the mistake and know better next time.

Can we change the course of history by the use of astral travelling or any other projection techniques?

If there’s such a thing called destiny, can we turn away from it altogether and create a completely new canvases by manipulating the past? This brings as much ethical concerns as artificial intelligence. There are certain things that scare me and one thing is for sure, fate seems to have a very tricky way to show up unexpectedly. Ask Oedipus! 

Is my house made of sugar or what?

 After a few weird prospects that I was afraid of looking in the eyes in case my psychic abilities would suddenly kick in and allow me to see the murders they committed, I ordered the man in the sky to stop sending me freaks. Friends are worried for my safety as they know it is quiet at night around here and there’s a river in front (for easy disposal of bodies). So that evening I asked the universe for a yogi flatmate as I figured the monk was a bit unrealistic. 

The day after I was sent a 28 year old Indian playboy who paints, plays guitar and whose father is a yoga teacher. Although, to make things interesting he (the master eye, always does this to me), also sent another Indian guy who practices yoga, cooks and dances salsa. Thank you for your effort Universe, I suppose that is the closest you found to my request in such a short notice (you still have to work on that winning the lotto deal, it’s now two months since I've started playing...just saying) .

As you know, I am famous for being impulsive (let’s move to Brazil next month- sort of thing) but also for my bad decisions in picking men (30daysforonlinemenshopping blog) so I decide to sleep on it. This is not someone you can easily dump, friends warned; they'll be signing a contract. (I get the fears and wonder if getting a flatmate is the right way to go after all).

I wake up knowing that the second man is the best option (if only I had followed this rule on dates).   

Easter Sunday and I am sitting in the yard  reading the paper while unwrapping my second chocolate egg from its fancy paper. Can't help feeling accomplished with the creation (making healthy gourmet chocolate is my thing these days). There are tons of kids running around, ok not tons, 3 but still they make as much noise as 10. They open the gate, close the gate, and scream like caged animals wanting to get in. Is my house made of sugar or what?

The squishy noises echo in my ears.  I could always play the weeds game with them and use these little creatures to clear the garden from the unwanted weeds that have grown over the winter but eventually their mum came to rescue me from the noisy mini people. 

Useless... as soon as she goes back inside they run towards my gate again. AHHHH go away.. In despair I throw them chocolate eggs, their eyes shine and they retreat...HAPPY EASTER!     

What? you are kidding me???!!

Where’s all my travelling money gone I wonder? It is the 29^th of March and I haven't yet booked a trip away, apart from London in January for a conference and a weekend in Lisbon in February but that was to visit the folks. Ok fine 2 trips... and I did go to Scotland for work but that doesn't count either. I mean real exploration, holidays, somewhere new and cool! Last year I went to Copenhagen in March, Turkey in May, Portugal in August, Northern Ireland In September, Cyprus in October and Iceland in December so enhm.. you see what I mean.   

A house facing the river with a guest room, a real kitchen and a fireplace sounded such a fantastic idea for an upscale but unfortunately my salary didn’t go through the same upgrade so 11 months into the change I realise that I need more travelling cash and the simpler way to do this is to find a flatmate. Shock, disbelieve...it is how my friends reacted to the ‘sudden’ decision: ‘What?...You???? You said you never ever, ever, again would live with a flatmate!’  

Having lived alone for the past 5 years it is kind of scary to embrace the idea of having a flatmate again. In over my 10 year career of sharing I have lived with psychos, food stealers, dirty f***ers, drama queens, loud nymphomaniacs and depressing zombies  but also really cool people who made me dinner when I had to study, put the bin outside once it was full and removed all the hair from the bathtub after the shower. Some became really good friends as they brought music, dancing, laugher and unexpected moments to my life.

So, fingers crossed..Here’s the add...is it going to be as difficult to find as the perfect man?  

Looking for the 'perfect' flatmate'. Preferably a man (as you guys have fewer things). Someone who is active and isn't always in (there's no TV) and that respects peace and quiet.

I am into arts and crafts, reading, cooking, practicing yoga, dancing and meditating. Someone who is into this and respects this lifestyle...

A person who is tidy, clean, friendly, interesting and fun!

If you are loud, drunk, eat with your mouth open and have spiders as pets stay away!

Cheers,

A