As if it was an alien voice I am surprised by that discovery

I am sitting inside a pitch dark dome at 10:30 pm. The only glimpses of light that once in a while reach the place are the result of silhouettes that come and go, opening and closing the heavy curtains behind them.

I am enjoying the experience of just being here until the moment I start thinking… Are there spiders around? I slip the shoes back on and focus on the soothing drumming sound that resembles a heartbeat and is gently leading me to a lovely comforting place inside my mum’s womb.  I feel protected and cared for and somehow lose track of time and even space. Swirling white and golden filaments can be seen in front of me. 'Is this really happening I wonder?' I stretch my hand and try to touch them but they evaporate. Once I come back to the physical realm I realise that the drumming has ceased and the room isn't only pitch dark but also incredibly silent. 'Am I alone here?' Heart starts racing imagining all sorts of demons but somehow manage to quiet the dragon as I stand up and find my way out.

Outside the bonfire is still burning and my shamanic partner persists in drumming to the last flames. There are a couple of people chatting in the circle but oblivious to the fire. I can see a few ambulating through the grounds showing up from around bushes and tops of trees as the night falls upon us in the forest. I stand there with E observing the flames until the cold takes over my humanity I walk inside for a warm shower before falling asleep in the dorm. Can't recall when was the last time I shared one.. luckily I brought the earplugs as sound sensitivity makes  me a nervous sleeper if I hear snores in the vicinity.

Sunday morning I am told to connect with the energy of the plants, trees and nature. We are let to wonder for an hour under a drizzly sky. The grounds are beautiful and lively and I decide to follow the opposite route to the previous morning. My final destination is the majestic tree near the arches that I sat by the earlier day in meditation.

To connect with the elements we are told to use a rattle a drum or a song. ‘Singing? Are you mad…I can't sing!’ I grab a tiny rattle and follow the path along the lake in a slow pace and contemplative mode.     

I am stopped by a beautiful bushy tree whose branches reach all the way down to the lake, connecting earth and water in the gentlest way.

I sit down by the lake edge just beside the tree’s root and before I notice a humming melody has originated in my chest and is being vocally expressed.My tree doesn't want to be rattled, she wants a song. As if it was an alien voice I am surprised by that discovery. The humming continues with different tones and I feel it reverberate in my heart. It feels good! At the distance another humming echoes mine. It is an exquisite experience that my self conscious mind has been denying to my adult persona. ‘Did I sing as a child? I am pretty sure I did.’ We used to sing, dance and even choreograph our own theatre shows for the parents and neighbours.   

I return to the room full of people in wonder and exploration mode, the shamanic journey continues until later in the afternoon.  

The energetic dancing, drumming, journeying and connecting for over two and a half days finally takes over me and I pass out on Sunday evening happily convinced that Shamanism isn’t a distant practice but very much something that has been within me ever since I first read those Castaneda books in University. Fifteen years passed and I am reminded of the Anthropological curiosity that lead me to go beyond the initial fear of death and darkness as a youngster and the search for that truth and strength that lies within. The Journey of self-discovery lasts a whole life time. Looking forward to find what lies around the next corner in the forest or that rabbit hole in the trickiest lands. The lioness in me has never been this fearless!